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Welcome to my weblog. My name is Jeff Smith, I am software developer in Boston, MA and I was recently named a 2009 SQL Server MVP. Check in frequently for tips, tricks, commentary and ideas on SQL Server and .NET programming.


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Have you seen Joe's "Blog" Yet?

I just discovered Joe Celko's weblog; it is really entertaining, at least the 5-6 posts I've read so far!

It seems the "blog" is actually just a collection of  questions and Celko's rather, umm, "honest" responses from various newsgroups and forums. An example:

Your code is so awful, you even use the "tbl-" prefixes to tell us you
have no idea about RDBMS! You keep converting dates to strings because
you are writing COBOL in SQL and want strings!

Why do your have "CREATE TABLE #tmp_sched" when view would work?
Answer: because magnetic tape files have to be materialized

Why do you spit on ISO-11179 rules and use a "tbl-" prefix? Because
you know only BASIC programming, which needs the prefixes for the one
pass compiler.

You write SQL with flags like it was 1950's Assembly language! Flags
in SQL!! Ghod Damn!! Varying length identifiers!? And I loved the way
spit on ANSI/ISO Standards with "SET QUOTED_IDENTIFIER OFF", etc.?

Is this for real or just a parody?  I honestly have no idea!  (Update: I think maybe it is real. Wow!)

Anyway, I thought that I could be a little blunt sometimes, but this is great stuff! 

Print | posted on Saturday, April 21, 2007 10:13 AM | Filed Under [ Links ]

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# re: Have you seen Joe's Blog Yet?

Ffom the Blog "** This blog is not Joe Celko's but it is a collection of his answers in public newsgroups"
4/21/2007 11:01 AM | Zebedee
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# re: Have you seen Joe's Blog Yet?

And the resemblance?
Striking!

:-)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anton_LaVey
4/21/2007 4:51 PM | rockmoose
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# re: Have you seen Joe's Blog Yet?

The blog says in big bright letters "** This blog is not Joe Celko's but it is a collection of his answers in public newsgroups". It appears to be his actual words but not him posting it.
4/22/2007 12:56 PM | Bill Graziano
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# re: Have you seen Joe's Blog Yet?

Thanks, guys, I know it is not really his blog -- I mentioned that in the post. (2nd sentence)
4/22/2007 1:13 PM | Jeff
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# re: Have you seen Joe's "Blog" Yet?

The thread on the link below is a great flame war from SQL Server Central.
http://www.sqlservercentral.com/forums/shwmessage.aspx?forumid=236&messageid=339807#bm347930

Joe Celko stepped in at the end and made some posts where he came across as a nice guy (within bounds!) to refute posts from a guy who was such an asshole that he actually got banned on his very first thread.


5/3/2007 1:33 AM | Michael Valentine Jones
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# re: Have you seen Joe's "Blog" Yet?

This was a good one :-D

SQL Apprentice Question
What is the proper syntax for stacking these IFs in a Stored Procedure???

Thanks in advance...

IF @Loan_Nbr IS NOT NULL
IF @MTM_Losses_Accrued IS NOT NULL
IF EXISTS ( SELECT 1 FROM [DMD_Data]..[UDF_WARRANTY] WARRANTY

Celko Answers
>> What is the proper syntax for stacking these IFs in a Stored Procedure <<

What the hell are you talking about?? IF-THEN-ELSE-ENDIF constructs in
any procedural programming language are nested or sequential. This
has nothing to why SQL. Don't you know how to program in ANY
language??!!

Please something that makes sense when you are sober
5/29/2007 3:23 PM | Awais
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