A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

1
It is March 1st and the first day of DBMS school
The teacher starts off with a role call..

Teacher: Oracle?
"Present sir"
Teacher: DB2?
"Present sir"
Teacher: SQL Server?
"Present sir"
Teacher: MySQL?
[Silence]
Teacher: MySQL?
[Silence]
Teacher: Where the hell is MySQL
[In rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess]
Teacher: Where have you been MySQL
"Sorry sir I thought it was February 31st"

2
Knock Knock
Who's There?
sp underscore
sp underscore who?
spid1, spid2, spid3....

3
At the premier of the first ever database movie "The Relational Chainsaw Massacre", the crowd is waiting for the stars to arrive:
The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people

Interviewer: Who have you brought along?
Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me and the other to justify the cost.

A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people

Interviewer: Who have you bought along?
DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialist and 36 consultants.

Another limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own

Interviewer: Why haven't you brought anyone?
SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring this URL for sqlteam when the shit hits the fan.

Print | posted on Thursday, May 27, 2004 12:33 PM

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# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by Tara at 5/27/2004 4:02 PM Gravatar
Very funny.

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by Chad Humphries at 5/27/2004 11:41 PM Gravatar
The best DB humor yet!

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by crazyjoe at 5/28/2004 2:05 AM Gravatar
I think you've hit upon the #1 problem for SQL Server...the misconception that it's self managing.

Though it's easy to use, I think SQL server should have brought at least one DBA, cuz without them you just bought a steamshovel to dig a hole without buying a ladder to get out of it.

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by Lee Dise at 5/28/2004 2:26 AM Gravatar
Here's an old one: Nobody knows what a DBA does, but every company needs to hire one, because no one can afford to hire two.

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by Brett at 5/28/2004 3:56 AM Gravatar
Pathetic...I'm still laughing though....

I do like the shot at mySQL

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by AjarnMark at 5/31/2004 6:42 AM Gravatar
Thanks to Rob Volk, I knew #1 was coming. #2 made me laugh at the joke and at myself realizing that you really have to be a SQL Server geek to get it.

Thanks for the laugh!

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by Jay at 6/11/2005 5:28 AM Gravatar
Good

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by DB Masta! at 1/4/2006 9:42 AM Gravatar
SQL = Silly Query Language LOL! ROTFLMAO!!! :p

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by lexisgay at 1/4/2006 9:44 AM Gravatar
HAHAHA! SILLY QUERY LANGUAGE! HAHAHA!!

MORE LIKE SILLY GAY LANGUAGE??

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by tcsmom at 1/4/2006 9:45 AM Gravatar
I did your mom in her select *

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by Vladimir Dzhuvinov at 11/21/2007 3:08 AM Gravatar
This stuff is good!

I even mentioned it in my blog :)

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by Limo hire at 7/22/2009 7:14 PM Gravatar
Nice limo joke.

# oracle dba in india

left by oracle database at 5/27/2010 2:47 PM Gravatar
Thanks for the post

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by Punit Chitra at 7/23/2010 4:01 PM Gravatar
Good 1...very funny

# re: A few DBA Jokes - Lame factor high

left by Hire seo experts at 6/24/2011 7:51 PM Gravatar
The first joke is really very funny. I enjoyed with hole post.
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