Before time, space and matter, there was the infinite nameless one..
CREATE TABLE TheInfiniteOne(Name VARCHAR(?) PRIMARY KEY, CHECK COUNT(*) = 1)
INSERT TheInfiniteOne (Name) VALUES ('Nameless')
It was an impossible relation of course because time did not exist. So he created time.
He knew that sooner or later “others” would want to know him so he created several views of himself
CREATE VIEW Christianity AS SELECT 'God' FROM TheInfiniteOne
CREATE VIEW Muslim AS SELECT 'Allah' FROM TheInfiniteOne
CREATE VIEW Buddism AS SELECT 'Buddha' FROM TheInfiniteOne
As the views compiled , he realised that something was wrong. How can we distinguish between negative infinity and positive infinity? It was decided that something needed to be created to give time a companion.
CREATE TABLE Matter (Name VARCHAR(?) PRIMARY KEY, Quantity MASSIVEINT)
The discussion began in earnest of what matter there should be...
Nameless: Those are all good starting points.. Load 'em up!
INSERT Matter (Name, Quantity) SELECT 'Quarks', ? UNION ALL SELECT 'Neutrons', ? UNION ALL SELECT 'Protons', ?
“Now what?“ the views asked. “Surely something should have happened by now?“
But it didn't. Infinite density within the singularity could not be changed.
Buddha: What about “nothing“?
“What?“ the other views cried?
Buddha: You know... nothing..
“No we don't know! We are all that is! There is no such thing as nothing.
Nameless: Careful Buddha!
Buddha: Look, I'll show you...INSERT Matter (Name, Quantity) VALUES (NULL,1)
CONSTRAINT VIOLATION, SINGULARITY DISRUPTED
Apologies for the gender bias..
| posted on Monday, July 04, 2005 3:41 PM