Love: A good DBA loves his data and DBMS. And like any good relationship, they communicate with each other
SQL Server: “What a day! “
DBA: “What happened? “
SQL Server: “Some guy does a batch load and before I have time to update the stats, someone else decides to run the end of month report. It hurt. Can you run a "defrag” on me please?”
DBA: “Of course I can. Do you have the credentials of the user who ran the end of month report?
SQL Server: “Yeah, it’s in the trace table in the admin database.
DBA: “Don’t worry. It won’t happen again” [Picks up blunted butcher’ knife.......]
2. Hair: A good DBA has hair on his face. Beards are preferred, but goatees, moustaches etc will do just fine. Hair serves 2 purposes
1. Every visible grey hair represents just how much you care about your data (See Point 1)
2. Something to fondle when contemplating the higher normal forms.
For the discerning lady DBA, glasses and jewelry make excellent substitutes.
3. Attitude: A good DBA has attitude.
“The sun DOES shine out of my arse, so step back and put some sunscreen on!”
4. Theory: A good DBA has a strong understanding of what a data model is and can describe the principles behind both the relational and hierarchy model.
5. Addictions: A good DBA has chemical addictions. Depending on your culture, select what is right for you. Any (or all) of the following are popular:
Caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, marijuana.
Stay away from the tranquilizer/anesthetics class of chemicals. Any business related meeting is usually an excellent and cheap substitute.
6. History: A good DBA knows the history of the profession and the people who shaped it.
7. Skeptical: A good DBA is extremely skeptical. Having a firm belief in the “"Not Invented Here" ethos (unless the originator has impeccable credentials) is a good sign.
| posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 12:41 PM