Jeff's SQL Server Blog

Random Thoughts & Cartesian Products with Microsoft SQL Server
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Welcome to my weblog. My name is Jeff Smith, I am software developer in Boston, MA and I was recently named a 2009 SQL Server MVP. Check in frequently for tips, tricks, commentary and ideas on SQL Server and .NET programming.



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Because sometimes we need to laugh at ourselves. And others, of course!
The Joy of Blog Feedback

Introduction I have been writing my little blog here for some time now, and my favorite part of doing this is of course the feedback.  It's always great to hear from the readers, to have mistakes corrected, to debate various topics and techniques, and to learn a lot about SQL and the various topics I discuss here.  At this point, I have received over 1,700 comments over the years, and while all of them are truly appreciated, I have noticed that unfortunately many of the, uh, less helpful comments do seem to consistently fall neatly into various categories.  Let's take a...

posted @ Friday, June 06, 2008 3:43 PM | Feedback (11) | Filed Under [ Miscellaneous Humor ]

Real Programmers don't need to write test applications!

You are a very important, talented, enterprise-level programmer! You write and maintain millions of lines of code, compiling your applications takes several hours, and your databases contain hundreds of tables with millions of rows. You clearly do not have time to write silly test applications!


posted @ Wednesday, May 23, 2007 12:27 PM | Feedback (17) | Filed Under [ Miscellaneous Techniques Humor ]

Unique Passwords?

Today's article at is one that the SQL Server community might find enjoyable.  I may try to implement something similar in my next project .... or, maybe not! Are there another other great designs like this that you've come across?  Maybe even some that you designed yourself?  Come on, you can admit it, let us know! I won't tell anyone.  After all, no one ever reads the comments ... see also: Discussing VB and/or MS Access in a Programming Forum Top 10 Things I Hate About SQL Server SQLTeam Dating Advice ! ...

posted @ Tuesday, April 03, 2007 7:38 PM | Feedback (1) | Filed Under [ Humor Database Design Links ]

Dear DBA ....

Dear DBA -- Thanks so much for helping us developers out with the latest changes you've made to the stored procedures in our system. While it may have been nice if we got together first to discuss these changes, I do appreciate that you worked very hard to make things much easier for us.


posted @ Wednesday, March 28, 2007 12:36 PM | Feedback (13) | Filed Under [ Techniques Efficiency Humor Database Design ]

Discussing VB and/or MS Access in a Programming Forum

So, you've decide to write a comment about how bad either VB and/or MS Access is in a programming forum! Well, you've come to the right place, I'm here to help. read more...

posted @ Tuesday, June 06, 2006 7:52 PM | Feedback (38) | Filed Under [ MS Access Humor ]

A true MVP

Congratulations to our good friend Alex Papadimoulis over at the weblogs on his Microsoft MVP award. Well-earned!


posted @ Wednesday, November 30, 2005 5:08 PM | Feedback (0) | Filed Under [ Humor Links ]

SQLTeam Dating Advice !

These are actual, unedited SQLTeam post subjects that you also might find in a dating forum:


posted @ Thursday, November 10, 2005 9:22 AM | Feedback (2) | Filed Under [ Humor ]

You've got to have an IDENTITY!

Here's kind of a funny/scary thread over at the DailyWTF:


posted @ Friday, November 04, 2005 11:18 PM | Feedback (3) | Filed Under [ Techniques Humor Database Design Links ]

Top 10 Things I Hate About SQL Server

By an anonymous SQL user (a guest blogger) 1.  SQL is too complicated! When I have multiple values in my columns, like "JAN,FEB,MAR" or “15,84,22” , SQL Server just doesn't get it.  It's almost impossible to write SQL statements on tables like that!  If I can manage to get any data out at all, it ends up being a 500 line SELECT statement!!  What is up with that?   And it also takes an act of God to successfully delete a value from those lists.  Why does MS make things so complicated? 2. Datatype conversions! What is the deal with data types?  I just use...

posted @ Tuesday, May 24, 2005 1:27 PM | Feedback (193) | Filed Under [ Humor ]

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