1
It is March 1st and the first day of DBMS school
The teacher starts off with a role call..

Teacher: Oracle?
"Present sir"
Teacher: DB2?
"Present sir"
Teacher: SQL Server?
"Present sir"
Teacher: MySQL?
[Silence]
Teacher: MySQL?
[Silence]
Teacher: Where the hell is MySQL
[In rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess]
Teacher: Where have you been MySQL
"Sorry sir I thought it was February 31st"

2
Knock Knock
Who's There?
sp underscore
sp underscore who?
spid1, spid2, spid3….

3
At the premier of the first ever database movie "The Relational Chainsaw Massacre", the crowd is waiting for the stars to arrive:
The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people

Interviewer: Who have you brought along?
Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me and the other to justify the cost.

A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people

Interviewer: Who have you bought along?
DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialist and 36 consultants.

Another limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own

Interviewer: Why haven't you brought anyone?
SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring this URL for sqlteam when the shit hits the fan.