What If: The Dream Company

Mon Dec 17, 2007 by Jon Hermiz in other

What If : The Dream Company

Ever wonder what if when it comes to your imaginary corporation where you have an unlimited amount of money to spend on talent?

What if...

Tara was my dba yelling at my programmers to ensure their SQL is solid. Backing up the databases and restoring them like no other. Ensuring my databases were running smoothly and fully optimized
- See this http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/tarad/archive/2007/11.aspx
- What about this http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/tarad/archive/2007/02.aspx

Jeff was smacking the junior developers around discussing how they should organize their code. HANDLE THAT AT THE FRONT END I TOLD YOU!! WHAT…you placed that in the db code…NO NO NO…this formatting should be done on the front end!
- See this http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/jeffs/category/238.aspx
- And this… http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/jeffs/archive/2007/08.aspx
- And especially this http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/jeffs/archive/2007/07.aspx

Peso (Peter) was taking care of the other SQL developers and ensuring their code was clean, short, and optimized. Boy can that guy come up with great SQL. He’d also be the one to entertain all the new comers with SQL classes and how to truly understand the tools. We’d call him the gate keeper, and he’d be in charge of telling us whose fit for the corporation!
- See here http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/peterl/archive/2007/12/10/Cursor-is-really-faster-than-set-based-solution.aspx
- Here… http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/peterl/archive/2007/09/27/Clever-way-to-get-the-records-you-want-with-certain.aspx

Spirit (Mladen) was in charge of discovering new tools, testing, and preaching to the developers. HOW CAN YOU BE DOING THIS WITHOUT A DATABASE TIER!!! Who told you object orientated programming was that difficult? What do you mean you haven’t used the newly designed data extractor object that I invented!
- See here http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/mladenp/archive/2007/10/18/SQL-Server-Filtering-Numeric-data-from-a-character-based-column.aspx
- http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/mladenp/archive/2007/09/24/.Net-Passing-user-data-with-Exception-back-to-the-caller.aspx
- And many more interesting articles here http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/mladenp/

Brett was handling all of the dirty work including conversions from one system to another. Porting code over to different database vendors, writing T-SQL, and bumping heads with the front end folks for not listening to him in the first place!
- http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/brettk/archive/2007/03/01/60124.aspx
- How about this http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/brettk/archive/2007/07/26/60272.aspx
- Plenty more here… http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/brettk/

MVJ (Michal Valentine Jones…not sure if that is really his name) he’d be in charge of the final base code. Would be willing to give him a duplicate gate keeper key much like that of Peso’s. He’s the go to guy, the man with an answer to much anything when it comes to SQL. He’d come up with weird functions that handle dates…reusable code…ya the weird stuff that just seems to work!
- Definitely see here: http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=61519 (it helped me a LOT)

Kristen (http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=10539) the Director of the company. Ahh he makes the big bucks..but he’s well worth it. He steers the company in the direction of success…well most of the time. He’s been known for making programmers happy (which just doesn’t sound right). He actually made a couple of Mladen’s group laugh! He writes clean code…but he’s too good for that now. Sometimes MVJ gets frustrated with code he’s inventing, but putting him in the same office with Kristen and Peso he always comes out with a monster that works. But don’t piss Kristen off or you might become a twit: http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=69568

Jezemine (http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=24731) he would be the central brain of the entire company. The guy is brilliant IMHO. He’s like the Einstein of today (ok not that much but still he knows his stuff). He’s written some nice database documentation tool called SQLSpec http://www.elsasoft.org/. Of course the company would take ownership of it ;) (just kidding). Along with his brain he’d be in charge of the documentation support of the company. His role is essential to our customer base. Without him our customers are lost and frustrated. Him and Peso seem to find speed as a good topic to discuss when it comes to SQL: http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=93911

Graz…good ol graz…the one that put everyone together in one room. He insisted that it would work out…success comes with patience and hard work he would always say. He’s the heart of the corporation and when the heart stops we’re in for some trouble. Graz also runs many of the presentations and brings in special guests to help our developers and our customers as well!
- See this behemoth: http://www.sqlteam.com
- http://www.sqlteam.com/contactus.aspx
- And of course this http://www.sqlteam.com/about.aspx

We’d hire some major players as well guys / gals like:

Madhivanan http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=14266

Dinakar http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=27687

Khtan http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=19400

Rockmoose http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=11815

TG (whose been awfully quiet lately) http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=14720

Eyechart http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=8399

Elwoos http://www.sqlteam.com/forums/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=7478

We’d be a lot like google minus those colors and the lava lamps. Work environment would include jeans, tshirts, pajamas, and even shorts. Roller blading / biking to work would be an option. We’d all have lunch together … maybe Emerald would cook! We’d all become rich too…our stock options would supersede our pay rates just some day.

Maybe just maybe…Of course affording all of you would probably be impossible…but then again it’s just a dream.

Legacy Comments


Mladen 2007-12-17	re: What If: The Dream Company HAHAHAHA! hats off jon! awsome!

Dinakar 2007-12-17	re: What If: The Dream Company Hey Thats awesome Jon.. that was a good read after 4 weeks of 70+ hours/wk.

Dinakar 2007-12-17	re: What If: The Dream Company Btw, when all these folks are doing the work, what are you gonna be doing? crusing in the carribean?

Jon 2007-12-17	re: What If: The Dream Company Haha...I think the better thing to say is once all the work is done (a milestone say)...we'd all go to the carribean. As for me...no I'd definately be helping out :-).

Mladen 2007-12-17	re: What If: The Dream Company he'd be prettifying things!!

Peso 2007-12-17	re: What If: The Dream Company I am not that expensive you might think I am :-)

rockmoose 2007-12-17	re: What If: The Dream Company That's cool Jon! Merry X-Mas :)

Jesse 2007-12-17	re: What If: The Dream Company I can't believe I made this list. what do I win? I hope it's a free vial of quick fix!!

Madhivanan 2007-12-18	re: What If: The Dream Company Fantastic jon May your dream come true [:)]